Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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