Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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