Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
