Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
