dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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