I just pynch a tree in the face
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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