do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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