I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
