Cold hands, warm shart.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
