I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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