she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
