i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
