I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
