I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
