Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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