thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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