So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
