she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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