God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
