she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
there is glitter all over my balls
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
