I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
