I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
