went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
