My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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