areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
