i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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