My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
