I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
