Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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