Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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