she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
