yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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