Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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