Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
