I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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