My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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