oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm like, not good at living.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
