He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
