is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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