wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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