My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
