I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
there is puke in my bra ... again
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