who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
