so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
