wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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