Your face is a jimmy john
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
