a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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