I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
