How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
