dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
