dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
